October 8 - Dying Matters: Celebrating the Day of the Dead

At Ostrich  we'd like to thank Joe from Dying Matters for writing this guest blog about Dying Matters and their special Day of the Dead event. Taking place on the 1^st November, the Day of the Dead is designed to help people remember friends and family that are no longer around.

The Dying Matters coalition was set up by the National Council for Palliative Care in 2009 to promote public awareness of end of life issues. Now with almost 30,000 members including many organisations and staff from the care home sector, Dying Matters is at the forefront of changing public attitudes towards dying, death and bereavement.

When we think about attitudes to death in this country, the first thing that springs to mind is usually our “stiff upper lip” mentality. It’s not the done thing to talk openly about dying; we’re told it’s morbid, or that it makes people uncomfortable.

Research from the British Social Attitudes survey, which was released to coincide with our fourth annual Dying Matters Awareness Week (which ran from 13^th–19^th May this year), shows that most British people haven’t done anything to discuss end of life wishes or put plans in place. Only 35% of us have a Will, and just 11% have made written plans for their funeral. Only one in twenty of us has an advance care plan, which sets out how we would want to be cared for if we couldn't make decisions ourselves. Comparing this to the results of similar research commissioned by Dying Matters in 2009, it seems that the work of Dying Matters does appear to be making a difference, with older people in particular becoming more likely to make their end of life wishes known. However, there is still plenty of work to be done.

Changing attitudes towards death

Since our inception four years ago, the Dying Matters coalition has aimed to change the British attitude towards dying, death and bereavement. Working with our broad base of members, we encourage people to think about, talk about, and plan ahead for the end of life. By not making our wishes known, we risk not getting appropriate end of life care, dying in a place we don’t want to, making it harder for our relatives to deal with bereavement, creating legal and financial difficulties for our loved ones, and more besides. Considering that death is one of the few things that will happen to us all, why are we so bad at planning for it?

There are reasons why talking about dying is difficult for people: the death of a loved one can be profoundly painful, and bereavement is often one of the most difficult hardships we will face in life. Many people fear saying the wrong thing to someone who is dying and making matters worse; those who are dying often shy away from talking about it so as not to upset family or friends. However, refusing to discuss dying actually makes things harder. When we don’t talk about the things that matter, it can increase feelings of isolation, loneliness and distress, aside from the practical difficulties that arise from not having end of life plans in place.

Trying to encourage a shift in attitudes isn't always easy or straightforward, but there are things we can all do to help ourselves and those we know have their end of life wishes met. Dying Matters provides leaflets and other resources with straightforward advice and information to help you start conversations, make plans for the end of life, and ensure that your loved ones know your wishes and how to act on them.

We are also lucky enough to have so many dedicated and hard-working coalition members to help us spread the message to the public. Each year during Dying Matters Awareness Week, members across the country hold events, from coffee mornings to conferences and everything in between, to encourage the public to talk more openly about death. This year saw over 370 events taking place during the week, and we estimate that our members reached over half a million people through their activities.

Day of the Dead celebrations

Another important date in our calendar each year is the Day of the Dead celebration, on 1^st November. This event is inspired by the Mexican Día de Muertos, a national holiday where families and communities remember loved ones who have died. It’s a colourful and vibrant festival, in which cemeteries are filled with lights and decorations, and altars are laden with food and drink to encourage the souls of the deceased to come and visit.

Inspired by the way communities come together to celebrate, our Day of the Dead event focuses on showcasing community approaches to end of life issues. This year, we’ll be hearing about awareness-raising projects in schools, hospices, NHS Trusts, and local communities (including an innovative “pop-up shop” in Camden), and there will be planning sessions and interactive exhibitions to give people ideas for their own community activities.

We also try to capture some of the spirit of Día de Muertos during the day. While it’s not a religious event, we do encourage people to remember their loved ones by placing a picture on our colourful altar, or sharing memories of them with others. We also have Mexican food, drinks and music, to help close the day on a positive note, and remind everyone that talking about death can sometimes be more enjoyable than you expect.

Getting involved

We invite you to join the Dying Matters coalition and help us change attitudes and behaviours around dying, death and bereavement. It’s free to sign up, either individually or for your organisation, and we provide a quarterly newsletter and regular e-bulletins that will update you on all the latest news, resources and events from Dying Matters and our coalition members.

There are also still places available at this year’s Day of the Dead event. We are always happy to see new faces, so come along, meet the Dying Matters team and other coalition members, and take away some inspiration for getting involved in your own community.

More information

• Dying Matters website
• Join Dying Matters
• Day of the Dead 2013 – view programme and book your place
• Photos from 2012 event on Facebook